it will never be the same again..

    yesterday i met you again, after months since i last saw and met you face to face..it was seriously a shock watching you on the escalator reaching me down with a smile,.we talked, walked around the mall, it was a short walk..i remember the day we first had our walk together, it was on 28 November 2009, in Spring, Kuching..i never forgot the day ever since. it was the day when i first held your hands. i remember we sat,and you laid your head on my shoulder..how i miss those things so much now. but it will never be the same again...

    i fell for you the day you told me your story, i was merely thinking how it would be next for us..i started thinking about you 24-7 and there was no other way for me to live without being restless for this. i never decided for us to start a relationship, but it was all so smooth at first, because all i knew was that i love you so much..until months after, i knew problems were coming. we both had difficult times ever since, but nothing could stop us from continuing what we built together..it was like living with a blade on our skins, waiting to create a bloody notch that would leave the eternal scar. but still, i did not wanna turn around.

    they said that you and me, we're different but i never wanted to listen. until the day when ending came without warning, you were asking me to leave it all behind and forget you. how could i?? why didn't you pray that we never knew and met each other?? it would all be so simple without anything being created and sacrificed.

    now, i live my life without knowing how your days are or when do you sleep at night..goodnight wishes and words i used to tell you are all now histories. i'm trying to forget but remembering you is all that i get. i will go on with this life, without you,..because i know, it will never be the same again. do take care. GBU.

aku mahasiswa pemalas.

   Sebentar tadi aku menghadiri satu mesyuarat kelab rimbawan UPMKB yang dihadiri oleh staff jabatan perhutanan (lecturer2 aku) dan semua pelajar diploma perhutanan. dalam perjumpaan tersebut, aku seperti ditembak dengan machine gun...a ceaseless rain of ammunition against my face that i felt like i wanted to run out and scream my lungs out...aku sedar ini semua ksilapanku, dan aku sedikit pun tidak menyalahkan mana-mana pihak atas tindakan menegur perbuatan ku yg kerap ponteng kuliah. malam ini juga, tersentuh perasaan aku apabila isu ibu bapa dibangkitkan. aku sedar aku memikul harapan kedua org tua aku yang mgharapkan sangat2 kjayaan aku d menara gading. aku sememangnya insan yg x kenal erti mengenang dan membalas jasa namun jauh di lubuk hati kecilku, aku ingin membahagiakan kedua org tuaku suatu hari kelak.

   Dengan ini, aku harus bangkit semula dan tidak akan membiarkan semangat aku patah sama sekali oleh teguran atau kritikan terhadapku, kerana akan aku ambil setiap satu perkataan tersebut sebagai perangsang dan motivasi bagi aku berubah. org seperti aku, diketuk kpalaku dgn tukul besi atau ditembak aku dgn snapang gajah skalipun, x akan berubah prangai aku yg teruk ini. oleh itu, aku sendiri harus berubah...mak, i will surely fulfill what i promised you. all i need now is a holistic change within myself. It's never too late. forgive me everyone, i have never been a good friend, a responsible son and a useful person.

who the hell am I ???

     Assalamualaikum and hello to everyone (",). It's been quite some time for me to finally create this blogger account. The main reason why i signed up is because there are so many things in my mind that bother me everyday and i think by expressing them here, it will be a huge relieve for me day by day. I admit that i have always been problematic with all these things i have around me..families, study, music, money($$), friends, love♥, neighbors and unknown people(but i remember the facades)...

     With full of respects, i wanna thank everyone around me whom i'm living with everyday. i know all these times i've been nothing but a useless creation for u guys since i was born. but from the bottom of this heart, i wanna say that i love u guys and please forgive all wrongs that i did all along. by start blogging, i wish what's been kept inside for so long would be smoothly fading away from me. should i make it one day, i'd be proud to tell the world who i was by showing who i am...(i am seriously not sure why i typed all these words up here)